It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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