There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
The air was thick with penises
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
