I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
