I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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