so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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