How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
