Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
