Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
