Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
