I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
