I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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