i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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