you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
whose ass print is on the piano?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize