Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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