Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
