The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
