Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Don't tell me you're on acid again
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
