New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
