she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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