My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Randomize
