Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
