I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
