the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
