My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Randomize
