last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Randomize
