Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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