i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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