I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
