whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
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