The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
