Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
