i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
