How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
BRING THE BAGELS
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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