so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
