oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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