i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
