Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
