it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
