So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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