The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
