I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
