I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
