so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
