Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
