your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
