Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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