Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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