You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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