Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
