3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
