Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Randomize