If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Everything about him screamed your future.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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