Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
