Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
