i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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