But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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