Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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