Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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