Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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