They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Operation Purity has been aborted
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
