Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
