If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
It's rum buckets o'clock
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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