You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
