There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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