We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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